"For four years I had ME, which meant losing my jobs, being unable to do normal things such as going for a walk, going to church, going shopping, doing the house and garden (you never know what you will miss until you can't do it!) and so on. For three of the years I used a wheelchair to be able to get out of the house. I improved after some homotoxicology treatment, and didn't need the wheelchair any more in order to walk 100 yards or so, but still wanted to get back to full health and strength.
In February 2006 I heard about the Lightning Process on Radio 2, a phone-in about ME with Jeremy Vine. I found out more on the internet, and booked a 3-day Lightning Process course in London for just after Easter 2006. My husband, Paul, came with me, and we stayed in a delightful B&B in Crouch End.
The first day we met Phil Parker, who invented the process a few years ago and is now training people on a regular basis. This first session was a group session with three other ME people and their partners/parents. It was a two-three hour talk and demonstration of the Lightning process. Ask any ME person what they feel about concentrating for a few moments, let alone a few hours! However, it was fine, because part of it was practising the process itself, which began to work and start the healing procedure.
It helped me when Phil explained about ME people being on an adrenaline loop, where they can't get out of the fight/flight response to stress. In fight/flight, all body systems shut down except those immediately needed to cope with the stress. In normal health, these body systems start functioning again when the stress has gone or diminished significantly. ME symptoms result from these body systems remaining in fight/flight more or less constantly, which results in the common symptoms of fatigue, pain, brain fog, lack of concentration, IBS and so on. This made sense to me.
The adrenaline response produces real and necessary lifesaving results, which become life damaging when prolonged. This emphasises that the brain, where the response originates, has a genuine and devastating effect upon the physical body. It also implies that where the brain/body has got 'stuck', it can also become 'unstuck'.
It is also important not to spend time analysing what is happening. This is something people with ME are prone to - I know I am. However, I reasoned that I could either get better without analysing, or jeopardise my chances (and my finances!) by doing my usual analytical probing and lose the wood for the trees. It is hard to be creative and open if you are being analytical because that implies a lack of contact with what is going on, as you have to sit back and observe if you are analysing.
Phil talked us clearly and minutely through the process, so that we could immediately begin to put it into practice within the session with his support and guidance. He said that it would be hard work, because we would possibly have to do it hundreds or thousands of times to get it installed into the neurological pathways of our brains as the preferred alternative. But if we were prepared to put in the work - this is a training programme, not a treatment or therapy - then we would get better.
And I did. I am still quite stunned!
The second day, our car had broken down. Paul said, 'We'll get a taxi.' I replied, 'No, I'll walk.' I somehow knew I could do it, because the process was working. So I walked to the clinic - almost a mile. Phil had warned us the day before about getting blisters from walking unaccustomed distances! I have to say this has come home to me over the last few weeks as my feet have raised objections to the increased walking I have been doing…
This second session was an hour's one-to-one, where Phil personalised the process to my own circumstances and particular symptoms (everyone has a different experience of ME). This was incredibly helpful. Afterwards, I walked into Crouch End and went shopping, ending up with a walk up a long, steep hill back to the B&B. This would have been about 3 miles. In the evening, I walked back down the hill for a meal, and back up again. My husband was in a state of shock (he still is!).
The third day was another hour's perfecting session. Phil showed me how to use the process to help me deal with difficult family members. It was illuminating and helpful when he told me that many people with ME have dominating/abusive parental relationships. It is a fact that I have been on 'high alert' since I was very small. This insight has helped my approach significantly. I am saying this to show how Phil personalises the individual cases, rather than giving a blanket approach one for all. The basic process is the same, but each person's needs are different and therefore there is this need to give each person the insight into how to use the tools - the Lightning Process - to his/her own advantage and healing.
When I got home, I found that was able to deal with my difficult family members in a calm way which has surprised both them and me. This has not been a strain at all but seems to have just happened after this third session with Phil.
After this session, I met a friend and walked into Crouch End with her, chatting all the way. We had lunch and had a good time. For me, this was significant, as I had previously lost all desire to socialise and had lost many friends as a result. I had not been able to chat for long as my brain felt numbed, my body would collapse and I would need to rest for days after a short simple encounter. Far from collapsing, I was stimulated by this experience and well able to face the 120 mile journey home.
I have been unable to face crowded places for at least four years. As we drove past Derby, I realised I was no longer scared of going there. The next day, my daughter and I had a girlie shopping spree which we both thoroughly enjoyed, though she spent much time looking sideways at me in a bemused way!
I went to London for the training 3 or 4 weeks ago. I have since been getting used to the idea of being better, and occasionally going through the process to deal with other issues which have arisen - it is not confined to ME symptoms alone! I am now adapting it to help me lose weight, as I ate through stress and fatigue whilst I had ME and put on a lot of weight.
It is important to note that whilst the ME is gone, stamina and muscles need building up just as any would which have not been used properly for years. For example, I have aches now from pulling up brambles which were well-embedded after four years (Paul has been brilliantly supportive but he is not a gardener).
I find that I am appreciating small things such as being able to go shopping, do the garden, clean the kitchen (this could be worrying!), vacuuming (even more worrying!) and especially going for walks. Swimming is a pleasure and I am booking a session at the gym to learn how to use the machines properly. I can drive the car again, which is a joy, as I love driving but could not drive safely with ME even at my brightest. I can now go to church again, which is important for me as a Christian and something I have missed very much.
I have a lot of work to do in the house and garden (which I am enjoying for the first time in my life), and artwork and writing to do - I had just started to get articles published in magazines before I got ME and my brain has been full of brain fog ever since, which is not ideal for writing purposes. Now it is a delight to write this and realise that my brain is functioning again.
I do not have ME any more, and have the tools to deal many of life's problems by using the Lightning Process. My doctor is delighted and amazed, and I have come off amitriptylene as I no longer need it. I am sending the wheelchair back and cancelling DLA. This is a huge psychological boost, even though it is a financial loss…
To anyone who thinks the training is expensive, I agree. So is having ME. Having ME is expensive financially, but also physically, mentally, emotionally and spiritually. I am a different person now, and enjoying life."
Jennifer
May 2006